My Immortal, My Commentary
by MoonBeam2254
Summary: Let me put my spin on the commentary of My Immortal, one of the most... interesting fanfics ever written. Rated T for Butt trumpets, abuse of the English language, and insults that blow your mind... Read on if you dare.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (**not really)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling **(Raven… you failed. I fire you)**. U rok! Justin **(Bieber?)** ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

**(My eyes are bleeding… Is that bad?)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(Dementia xD It explains so much…)**and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(Wait a minute...most babies are nearly bald, how could they know what the hell your hair is going to look like? O.o)**with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(It's almost poetic… *****Sniffles*****)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **(Please stop insulting Amy Lee.)**(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **(Only if you do.)**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(INCEST ALERT)**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white I have pale white skin. **(She's really into stereotypes)** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(Scotland).**where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **(no dur)**. I'm a **(wannabee)** goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.** (Usually I'd congratulate people on descriptions… but you… you ruined that. Plus you dress like a slut.)** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(You mean "sleet"?)** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps **(For those of you who don't speak Ebony, preps= normal people)** stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(Lovely girl.) **

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **(No way)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Draco…. I hate you. You're shy, you're talking to this chick, and you're completely out of character.)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(Best part!)**

AN: IS it good? **(Yes… if you want the lie.)** PLZ tell me fangz! **(Fangz? I thought she didn't have "Fangs".)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps **(Remember! Preps=normal people! Good job! :D)** stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **(Seriously? No way, that's impossible.) **It was snowing and raining again. **(Again… sleet)** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **(Yes, because I want to know that a slut girl has a slut coffin to match.)**I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **(Stop. Ruining. Bands. I. Like.)** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(Again… Slut.)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u! **(I feel bad for you Raven…)**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(She did all that with her eyes closed until now?) **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)**(Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Good to know your friends are just as slutty as you!)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(I wonder if she actually said "Oh Em Eff Gee"...?)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(It was just a damn question bitch!)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **(No way.)**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(Slu- wait… I don't need to say it again.)**

"Guess what." he said. **(What?)**

"What?" I asked. **(Bitch stole my line!)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(STOP RUINING BANDS I LIKE!)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance are going to kill you for chasing away all their fans…)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **(No. Don't do it Draco! She's going to drug and kill you! [for all the AVPM fans out there ;)])**

I gasped. **(Whoa… Please, don't. You're killing me with the suspense here.) - _ -**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3. **(xD You guys have no idea how many words are underlined in red here in her crappy excuse for an author's note.)**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis (**Now now, take responsiblities for your actions)** or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **(No duh… You don't have to tell us…)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **("corset stuff"… That's the most descriptive thing I've ever heard.) **on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **(So you put both arms through one fishnet?... That's an amusing mental image.)** I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**(Stop telling us your whole outfit.)** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **(Allow me to interject…. Cutting isn't something to joke about. My best friend is a cutter so don't act like it's the cool thing to do.) **I read a depressing book **(You don't even know the definition…) **while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS **(Do you even know it's you when you look in the mirror?)** of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.**(Yum…)**

I went outside. **(Please go back in.)** Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **("Kewl boiz" may wear it, but Draco Malfoy does NOT.)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.** (…Exclamation point?)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz **(That's a Weasley ride!) **the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.** (Hello to my new role model! NOT)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **(Did you do it when you were still in the air?)**We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **(…)**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(No way!)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." **(I'm sorry… but that sounds so slutty. You're on a date with Draco…)** I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **(Club?)**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **(Wow… I didn't think it was possible…)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **(Darn. I thought you were finally going to let poor Draco go…)**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **(NO! Draco! STOP THIS NONSENSE OR I SWEAR MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(So…. hoe, wannabee, drug addict, smoker, Draco murderer…. Now you can add judgmental to the list.)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **(If you're a vampire wouldn't you not show up in pictures?)**We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(NO. WAY. Wow… I'm just stunned. There is absolutely no way I could have seen anything like that coming…)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm changing my commentary to just in bold because I hate the parentheses thing. xD**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **I find it funny that she can't even spell her own character's name right… **

nut mary su OK! **I'm sure she doesn't even know what a Mary SUE is. **

DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **Dey nu eechodder b4…. Am I the only one who doesn't understand a single word of that? **

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Such a lovely girl…**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **Die… die… die…**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Since she's so "deprazzed" she's upset that she's not dead either.**

"Ebony?" he asked. **He's praying for her to be dead too.**

"What?" I snapped. ***Bangs head against wall* **

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Yes, because sorrow and evilness makes us all better people! **

And then… suddenly just as I **"Just as I" did not belong in that sentence…** Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **It makes sense… but it's such a poor word choice…**

He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.** Muahahahahahahha…. Slut.** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Right… thingie into you-know-what. That makes absolute perfect sense. I bet she thinks babies come out of the thingie instead of the you-know-what too.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **O.o**

It was….Dumbledore! **First line I'm stealing. ^^**

**Well… I can't sleep so I decided to make myself stupider by doing this instead! :D Enjoy!**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!**Poser= Normal people! :D Keep it up folks!** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Oh yeah, I totally get that. **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!** Yes, we all get upset when we stumble across horny teenagers in the forbidden forest right?** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Yet you kept writing anyways…**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Second line I'm stealing.**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **She's upset because she can't figure out what ludacris fools means.**

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **I thought Dumbledore was a big boy who could handle himself…**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **Gee, learn how to live Dumbledore!**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Alright… Third line I'm stealing. **

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **Awww… Snape doesn't get an awesome insult…**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Psh, he doesn't even know her full name. **

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **Gee, I guess that fixes everything then right?**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out…. **Who the hell wears that to sleep in?**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**You're still together… why so reluctant? **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **That didn't stop you before…**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **I thought you went to Draco's room.** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Poor demented Dementia…**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, **Oh my gosh, that's my favorite!**

and a glass of red blood. **I like blue blood. It's royal and NOT what you drink. **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **I LOVE WHOEVER THAT WAS.**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **Right, you met your brother. You can't insult him or you'll get a spankin' right?**

He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. **Yup. Just my type.** He didn't have glasses anymore **ANYMORE? I have a bad feeling…** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar **NO!** on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden.

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **I swear you said you got one when you and Draco were being ludicrous fools in the forest.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. ***Falls off chair* Damn, what's with Harry Potter these days? Lose your parents, live with your aunt, uncle, and horrid cousin, get to go to the most amazing school in the world, and you turn into THIS. I understand now.**

"Why?" I exclaimed. **Don't you know what an exclamation point is?**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **Tehe…**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **NO WAY!**

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **I…. Am… Cannibal, cannibal, cannibal… RAH!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **Draco… quick! Drug and kill her! DO IT NOW! O.o**


	7. Chapter 7 Bring me 2 life

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **Woah… An actual chapter title… This is almost as good as a double rainbow.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **God reviewed this?**

n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue **I'm sorry. I don't know what a MARIE Sue is. ** ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **Now ain't that cute?** I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).**Yes, she can magically change her nail polish from black to red in an instant!** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **Yeah! Gosh Vampire, stop trying to get with Draco, he's Ebooby's man! **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively **That is one boring kiss…**

and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **I'm cringing** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **you have a boy thing? I thought you had a you-know-what! **and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Pretty much Ebooby.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **Yeah, because no matter how many times you strip him down you don't notice it.**

It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **Le GASP.**

I was so angry. **I'm not. I'm amused.**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **You now have AIDS Ebooby.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. **Wait. Rewind… She didn't describe a single thing she was wearing! How the hell am I going to know if her nails were black or red?** Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **No. I thought he had a Little D (Another AVPM reference there)** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **My feet would hurt from all the stomping.**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **Well then… hello first period greeting!**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! **I'm sorry, but this prep does not flass… whatever the hell that is.** if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **Because we've ALL been there. You know, girl and boy shag, girl see's tattoo of another boy's name on boy's arm and stomps all the way down to scream at other boy. Yeah, that story we all know SO well. **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **She wanted to add another layer to her gothicness. **

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.** Well hell…**

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **Hermione is B'loody Mary? Gee, this brings it all to a whole new level!** (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **YES! Snape finally got his shining moment! FOURTH line I'm stealing. I really must ask her where she gets her insults from…**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped. **O.M.G**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **Random Point of view change here?** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **How do you know? You just met her. Oh wait… I think you're confusing her for a hermaphrodite since she's got a you-know-what and a thingy. **for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **But you dated him BEFORE he was Gothic. When he was a "prep"…**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **She lost her male sexual potency xDD No really, look it up.** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **Obviously.** dis is frum da movie** What version are YOU watching?** ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!** There she goes again, not taking responsibility… **besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **Glad we got that cleared up. **MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **I'm surprised the tree hasn't withered and died.**

Then all of a suddenly,** All of a suddenly? **an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **I have an odd sense of déjà vu. **(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **You just said like Voldemort in the movie…**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **The absolute best spell. Throw everything at him Ebooby! (AVPM REFERENCE ) Lumos, Alohamora, Jellylegs Jinx,…. And Crookshanks! ** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Voldemort is a lot older than we thought.**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Not even possible. It just defies logic. **

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(AVPM) Why did she not just borrow Draco's from his sock? **"No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." **Gee, EBOOBY, You're so SLOW! He can move objects with his mind! He obviously stole that little pea of a brain you have when you were sleeping and saw it!**

he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **He flew away on HIS broomstick ;)**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **NINJA!**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **No... not at all.** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **Ew…**

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." **Now was your chance to drug and kill her Draco!** he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **They got skills. They walk and make out at the same time.**

**Sorry for all my A Very Potter Musical/Sequel references xD I just love that so damn much. xD**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags **I could have swore she wasn't a homophobe...** if u donot lik **I lick your story. **ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar.** Yeah, she's not a Mary Sue AT ALL.**People say that we sound like a cross **Keep this in mind everybody, it's practically foreshadowing. **between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **Both guys… which means you also sound like one.** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron **She just killed a little part of me…** (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **He's not a ginger? Excuse me while I go and cry now.**) and Hargrid. **HARGRID RULES!** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **As opposed to what?** I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **You said it up there ^^ and many other times to describe your horrid clothing..** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **….. No comment. **I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **LIES!**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **See? She can't even bear to listen to her own voice.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **Concerted= Jointly arranged, planned, or carried out; coordinated. She planned it ALL!** "What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. **Shut up. Jeez, just Crookshanks 'em all again! **But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **NINJA! **Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Pretty much. As much as I hate to say it, Draco Malfoy is most certaintly not a ninja.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **So…many… TEARS!**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **Remember? She hath telekinesis too.**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering **You're definitely right. I don't know what swering is, but she's right guys, listen up.** and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! Oh I'm sorry… was that crude?**

**Alright all ;) I'm no longer telling you if I use an AVPM/S reference because if you've seen it, you'll know. **

**I'm killing my brain just in time for school to start up again! :D **

**(See… teachers hate Ebooby too…)**


	11. Chapter 11

**By the way, I don't know how long this is. I know it's like at LEAST 40 something chapters… O.o Don't worry, I'll do my best to make it enjoyable… if possible. **

**READ ON IF YOU DARE!**

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz!it delz wit rly sris issus! **Yes. Really serious issues that you don't take seriously. **sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Raven… get out of here! I thought I fired you!**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off** 'Cuz they be BFFLs. **and I ran to my room crying myself. **You can do a lot of things to yourself… cut yourself, hit yourself, bite yourself, but NOT cry yourself. **Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Naturally we must assume that she will be raped if anyone else goes into her room.**

Anyway, **I enjoy that she put anyways… so casual about it.** I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes **Your wrists?** so I took them off **You took OFF your WRISTS?** and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak **Yum…** and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **Now dear… you need a stake, not a steak.** I was so fucking depressed!I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly.**She must've gone to the beach.** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff **I totally get that **on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap**, OH SNAP! **was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating** Masticate= To chew food or grind to pulp. **to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. **LOOPIN! STOP EATING AT A TIME LIKE THIS!**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **YOU STILL HAVE YOUR DRESS ON! Oh wait… my mistake; you wear such slutty clothes it's considered naked. *****Winks***** I gotcha now.** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" **To go along with Crookshanks** he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **SHE WAS RIGHT! SHE KNEW BABIES CAME OUT OF THE THINGY AND NOT THE YOU- KNOW-WHAT!** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **Wasting bullets young lady.** and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **DUMBLEDORE'S GOT AN EVIL TWIN! :O** "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **His broom? xD Just imagine big ol' Hagrid running with a little broom between his legs.** and said **lack of speech marks here? **everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **LITTLE? Pffft….**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **GASP.**

"This cannot be." Snap** Didn't he get shot?** said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **Nope, no factors here Snap. No one does any actual thinking, nope.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there**. BUTT-TRUMPET! **

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **Usually it's when you don't HAVE enough blood… in your body…**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Like a coo-coo-clock, but better.**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **Nice girl.**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand **umbrella** in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **EPIC MENTAL IMAGE.**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **See? Yu prepz betta stoop beein meen! Harigrid LUVS her! **

**Damn… I can't write like that. How does Tara, or whatever her name is, do this? O.o**


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm proud of Tara. Before I wrote on this, it was still actually over 1,000 words. **

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **But they're not in America, are they?** I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian **Don't bring Kristian into this now.** plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **When was he brought into this?**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago **Draco also has an evil twin** had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **Was that supposed to be a joke?** but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **I thought that was gone** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Red whites… makes complete sense.**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **His nonexistent scar became existent again.**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" **For once we're on the same page.** I shouted.

"I do but Diabolochanged it into a pentagram **?** for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **That can also be the practice of being tied up or restrained physically during sex acts. Really… Volfemort and Draco are having sex Ebooby. Neither of them want you.**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's**: Home of the Fruit Loops** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **What happened to all the supposedly hot guys?** Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera **Gee Dumbledore, why did you have to eat the camera? Now you're all constipated…** they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **I thought you said he wasn't in love with Ebooby.**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. **She was too lazy to actually write out the word, VERY.** serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, **Yet it's ALL over your wardrobe.** and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **You're bipolar Ebooby. Admit it.**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Yeah, those roses are not roses.**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **No Ebooby, those roses that are roses are not roses. Nope, not at all.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- **She's said so many bad words… she can't just write out porn?** video made from your shower scene **Hagrid had his own shower scene?** and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Yes it is.**to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **Angirly= An angry girly. Don't mess with them.**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." **No, these roses are not roses.** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Stop lying to us Ebooby. You're everything but wise.**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Petals (meringue?) My Chemical Romance. I'm not okay? Adding "O" to the end of everything does not make it Spanish I hope you know. **

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **Get out. No way was that black flame black.** Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **To prove yourself loyal to the goffick people, just turn something pink into something black. Gets 'em every time.**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **Good question. I don't know what the hell he is either. A vampire? A ninja? A vampire ninja? O.o**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the **I would laugh if it said 'his' instead of "the."** balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT **Yes. I'm laughing so hard. Ouch, please stop. No really. You're making me hurt… -_-**) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **So I'll put it simply for you… k?**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!"Hargrid yelled. **He wasn't talking to you Hagrid. **dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **No headache= nice Dumbledore/Dumblydore. **

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them.I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **Black lip-gloss over the red lipstick. **

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **You know… my math teacher used to yell at us if we bit our fingernails. "THAT'S AUTOCANNIBALISM!" She'd shout. **

**Ebooby has taken it to a whole new level…**

I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin **Smart** couldn't spy on me this time.I went to some classes. **You're joking. **Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **Where you study troll boogies and noise hair as well as the hair growing between Hagrid's toes. **He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Hufflepuffs just don't get it good, do they? When they die, they turn into sparkly vampires. When they live, they die because of a goffick vampire.**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." **Who actually says "back" when they say hi to someone?** I said in an wqually said way. We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Woah… down girl.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.**YES! ANOTHER LINE! I'm stealing this.**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **But you jumped… on each other.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Déjà vu…**

"NO!" I ran up closer. **Wait…**

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **THIS HAPPENED ALREADY!**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **AM I THE ONLY ONE NOT GETTING THIS?**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **Yeah blood sista, you supposed to write this crap! GOSH!**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **Why the hell would you ask that online? Call her, send her an email, or in her case… ask the question and put it in your story where everyone can read it. **

**I love her brain.**

**She's my role model.**

**Smart, not narcissistic at all, smoker, Harry Potter character killer, Ebooby creator, and more… O.o **

**You're all jealous… Preps.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Back to the short chapters! :D**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin** No problem. I'll gelp you any time Tara. **me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!**You know… pronouncing Flamigng is kind of funny xD Flam-ig-ngh. xDD**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **See, they're calling the twins.**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **Seriously. I NEED her list of insults.**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **They forgot to add that he had him bondage. **

He laughed in an evil voice. **I'm getting hilarious mental images now, what about you?**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **Hey, shut up. Dumblydore can do whatever the hell he wants.**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn **He can't say damn? He called them motherfuckers back at the beginning…**what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." **This really is so hilarious. **then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Not these ones. I'd be tempted to hug him, but then he'd just shoot me with his womb.**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. **Brainblast!** "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's **Vol-dem-pert?** lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **It changes every time! :D** It was….. Voldemort!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **Seriously. Stop being motherfuckers. xD **Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.** No prob. **PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!** This is pure poetry you despicable snobs! Stop insulting it!**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. **Seriously. **VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **Vee-ow-er excretion ad-vis-id... You can tell it's going to be HORRIFYING O.o**

We ran to where Volcemort was. **Volcemort. Can we make that a store or something? **It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.** That is the love child of Wormtail and Nagini for all of you preps. **

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **Seriously. Good insults. **he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwitme." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **He said that very quickly… **

"Huh?" I asked. "Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **If he **_**hadn't **_**of tortured her boyfriend... OF COURSE, she would have.**I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **How poetic. Told you it was poetry.**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. **I just imagine him running in circles until he randomly freezes and falls down.**I brust into tears sadly. **You're the one that killed him.**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **He's dead. He's on the ground, being dead. You know, everyday stuff.** Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels **Voldy forgot to say a lot about himself when he gave JK Rowling his application. **clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **Right. So he could put his thingy in yours, right? **He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **Again… Little D. Gosh, get it straight woman.**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. **Yielded…** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **I'm guessing you wanna screw her too?**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **Ebony is NOT a slut. Only the preps are. Get it right people **answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **And Loopin was eating while Dumblydore constipated it** Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **Dead Snaketail…** I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) **Me worried? Psh, no.** "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **Not a Mary Sue people. Gosh, sjhut oup. **

**Lovely huh? **

**She is DEFINITELY NOT a Mary Sue. **

**Totally impossible. **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **I'm sorry… but that won't stop most people. **fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **You just said you want to be with him and ONLY him!** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. **She's got such an obsession…** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep.** Cry AND weep. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. **More auto cannibalism… Car-ni-vor, an-i-mal, I am a can-i-bal, I eat boys up, you be-tter run. *****Dances*******Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **So her schedule is basically just Hair of Magical Creatures and Biology? Why can't my classes be like that?**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. **I bet you all that every time Tara wrote a description she went and took an outfit from her closet and stared at it for ten minutes. Then she proceeded to describe it, oblivious that no one cares.** I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. **Lies. **I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **Since when did the study of life turn into transfiguration? **Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **This is getting weirder and weirder…**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time.** But he only actually SUCCEEDED after he met you. **Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross **There she goes again with the crosses **between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **When I saw his picture… I was scared.**

**But he seems like an okay fellow… Awesome.**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) **Whew… I was worried there. I forgot what color her nails were again!** at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch)** Yet you use her to describe your moment… **and CMM in a Cinderella Story.** Yes, because A Cinderella Story is SO depressing and goffick.** Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **HAH! May I please shout about how NOT sexy the look together? **Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **MCR Playing NOW! Get your goffick asses over here unless you want to be a prep, poser, bitch! **We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! **You really should give her back her sweater...** Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!

**Red lines literally just blew up my screen just now with misspelled words. ERROR ERROR… **

**Help…**

**I still don't understand how she can write like that. I also don't understand how I can understand it. O.o **

We ran happily to Hogsmede. **Skipping and singing all the way. We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz! **There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly.** Why would you run into the stage? Honestly…**MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! **Stop that right now. Goffick people aren't supposed to be happy according to you. **Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **I burst out laughing just now. **I was wearing a black leather minidress **I still can't image how all that leather can be comfortable…**and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt **T-SHIRT!** and black baggy pants. **No leather? This is fascinating... **Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched.** When's NAKY TIME? xD Kidding. **We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **Okay first… you and Draco were all hot and bothered by Voldemort xDDD Two… Volsemort and da Death Dealers sound like an epic entertainment group… I'm so inviting them to my next birthday party.**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **You tell him horny simpleton! **I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? **What's wrong? I thought you liked NAKY TIIIIIME! **Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **Yes, we all know you lick them. Apparently you lick a lot of people.**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted **Does this mean he gagged? Or he went and got a bunch of gadgets? **

uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **You can tell she lives in an odd, alternate universe. All the guys I know won't shut up about it. **

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded **YIELD! **in an angry voice. **I wonder how you do that in a voice…**

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **I sense a threesome… **

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina** HE'S AN AMAZING SINGER NOW? **or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly. **Muttering loudly? All I can imagine is cavemen in a cave, grumbling nonsense as they dance around a little cavebaby. "No-ho-ho-ho, no-ho-ho-ho…" **

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **Stop shooting people.**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **'Cuz singing solves everything…**

I was flattened **WHOO! Ding-dong, the witch is dead, da, da, da, da, the witch is dead…**cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!** OR MAYBE HE JUST LIKES THE BLOODY SONG!**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **As my wise reading xxBlaineXKurtxx pointed out, they should be going down into the dungeons since they're all evil and in Slytherin. THANK YOU FOR HAVING A BRAIN UNLIKE EBOOBY! **

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex** Is that anything like X-ray Specks?. **Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). **Please don't drag another culture into this…** "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math."**She must really not like Raven anymore… She killed off her character.** (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **Look, I was right! She must have loved that sweater like she loves Drako.**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **MUAHAHAHAHAHA! **

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **I love that movie!** "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **Did she mean energetically and lethargically? So she was excited and sluggish at the same time? ** "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her **What a good friend. **and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **Necrophilia. Yum.**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. **You guys got mad skills to be able to talk in silence.**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." **How many concerts are in that bloody place? **I sed. " **SED= Scottish Education Department.** I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **Don't bring Eva into this now…**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **That's not preppy at all. Nope.**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial** What?** Hot Topic Loiyalty **What? **carde.**HOW DO YOU SPELL CARD WRONG?** **WHAT?**

"No." My head snaped up. **Oh no she did-in't.**

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **OH NO SHE DID NOT JUST GO THERE!**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **Whew… problem solved.**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me! **VAMPIRE. YOU ARE VAMPIRE'S BITCH.**). Or me. **If you told her than you'd KNOW!**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **Come here Broomy! Come on boy! *Whistles***

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **Hellllllz naw.**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go." **That's so evil. She snuck a peek. Evil…**

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. **They randomly sprouted everywhere **The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **That made absolutely no sense at all. **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." **xDDD I must find one of those**He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" **Narcissist much? **I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **I want this to be a movie…**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **Because everyone's a Satanist.**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **TOTLLY.**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy **She forgot her name again… I'm going to have to write it across her forehead. **dark'ness dementia TARA **? **way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid." **Voldemort is already in this story **He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **Ah, because EVERYTHING is about you** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **Ebondy… that sounds like a lame female version of James Bond.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz **She's got an obsession with preps, she made an entire quiz for 'em! :D** itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

**I shall now take a shot at decoding this nonsense and turning it into actual English…**

**I said stop flaming the story! If you're a prep then don't read it! You can tell whether you're a prep or not by my quiz, it's on my homepage. If you're not then you rock. If you are then FOOOOOK UFFFFF! (I'm so keeping that.) Please, Willow isn't really a prep. Raven, please do this and I promise I'll give you back your poster!**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **Stuff. My favorite. **He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual ) **Right, I forgot all bisexual people have to be into fashion… my mistake. **Hargird kept shooting at us **I imagine him with a dart gun singing, "Da, da da da, da da, da da, CAN'T TOUCH THIS!" smacking his ass. **to cum **Naughty children ;)** back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard."** You bloody fjucker! **Well anyway Willow came.** You have the resurrection stone? **Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **Don't get offended people. That's how I greet my friends too. (kidding)**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything.** Someone's bitter…** She was wearing a short black corset-thingy **I love those!** with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets **Possible? Yes or no? **and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz.** Yes, because whenever people wear boots that shows how pale they are. **She had a really nice body wif big bobs **BOB! Does that mean she has a really huge bob cut? **and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **That's awful. Again, she jokes about serious matters.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"**No." She said. "I'm going TO THE concert WITH Draco."**

**My mistake, Ebooby, Willow, and all the other characters in this story don't speak English. They speak Tarish… the language of Tara.**

"Yah." I said happily. **YARGGGGG!**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. **Too bad he's not a ginger… *Sigh***Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2.**She's trying to brainwash us into thinking that they were. **Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. **That's like… the most original thing I've ever read…. Except for the fact that he stole it from Draco's license plate. **He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. **What's it people say these days to shake their head? Oh that's right… SMH… xDD **was wearingblack leather pants, **He's bound to be sweating up a storm right now…** a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart **Bloody Mart= where all the cool vampires go. **was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **That sounds like a new type of cereal.** Dracola used to be called Navel**= bellybutton** it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. **Well that sucks… Harry Potter's story isn't so special anymore… **converted to Satanism and he went goth. **Yeah, goth is the new prep everybody! **He was in Slitherin now. **Navel you silly bellybutton.**He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. **I thought he was Dracola. Hey, that sounds like a new coke drink…**Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **Not one bit **that his dad Lucian **Draco's got two daddies? **gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **They drank coke from a pot while they cracked several lame puns like the one above. ^^**Draco and I made out. **Why don't you all have a five some? You mess up everything else after all. **We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps.** My evil language arts teacher used to say that if she saw us on the street she'd purposely hit us with her car… If I saw them… so would I. **We soon got there….I gapsed. **She really should see a doctor about her condition.**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **I get déjà vu every time I read this. **He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. **He had a really cultural voice… which one are we talking about here?** We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. **Odder songs= odd songs. **Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **I'm sad guys… Volsemort and da Death Dealers never showed up to my party to entertain. Dx Maybe I'll invite Vlodemort and da Death Deelers instead. They sound way cooler.**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted **CAN'T TOUCH THIS!** angstily. **Angstily… angst? **"Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"** OH SNAPS!**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.** Oooo….**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. **He had the flu? Oh dear…**He had lung **Ew, he had lungs in his hair?** black hair and a looong black bread. **Black bread… he's not a good cook. He burns his bread. **He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back.**Stop that.** He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. **Vlodemort you sissy… COME TO MY PARTY! **It was…DUMBLYDORE! ***Sigh***** You can come too Dumblydore… **

**Dumblydore: YAY! **

**Me: Only if you kill off Ebooby and the other "goffic" characters! O.o**

**Dumblydore: Fine… *****crosses fingers*******

**He won't do it… that's why he's crossing his fingers… And yes Tara, I SAID CROSS! O.o**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **Yes, because only gofik people swear.**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. **Awww… I now cue the deer and such animals prancing across the great African plane as the good morning orchestra plays in the background. ** I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, **Eyesharrow= A cross between shadown and a crow.** blood-bed **Totally my favorite shade** lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **My cousin has a bellybutton ring… her baby sister almost ripped it out… I will set my cousin on YOU EBOOBY! Watch your back!**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull **You rented out a skull? Awesome.** (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. **Broom stuff. That makes total sense to me. **There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. **He blew up. Went BOOM. **We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) **You-know-what? I thought you-know-what meant vagina to you. So you went back to your room to have vagina to a Linkin Park song? Hmmm… I don't understand the logic behind that, but who am I to judge?**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. **Grate Hall= the best dining place in all the sewers!** There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. **How could you see that? Pink is lighter than black you know.** And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **Yes, because these wizards and witches totally know who these people are.**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearinga black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. **To show off her paleness, am I right?** Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs **It can't be a long dress if it only comes up to her thighs.** and black boots and fishnets. **They have a fishnet problem… they should tie them all together and use them to catch some seafood.** Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **Yet I notice none of you girls ever note your interest in your own sex.**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying** Bad bellybutton! **as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came **Oh em gee. No way. **He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. **He murdered his rabbit! Now THAT is pure evil.**

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.** Uh oh. Ebooby's condition is contagious.**

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **What ever happened to Vlodemort now?**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?" **I fink it looks kawaii bitch. **

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **Yup. Totally.**

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. **I wanna call him BIG A.**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. **Are you all going to transform to posers now? **We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way **I MUST SEE THIS**(geddit, way lik Gerard)but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **Definitely. Because we all know that Harry Potter is in his late fourties now.**

I was so fucking angry. **Grrrrrr…**


	19. Chapter 19 im nut ok i promise

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise **This is a brilliant chapter title. We all know you're not okay Ebooby, you don't have to promise us anything.**

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11 **Okay… I didn't understand half of that one. I would fail to translate it.**

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. **Are you not always? **Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. **Whoo! **It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **Yeah, I totally get that. Happens to me all the time.**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **Why would you be sad to cut classes?** Draco was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **Not this one. **

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his blackhare **Everyone's rabbits on here are tortured.** went in his big blue eyes **IT WENT IN HIS EYES? O.o** like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. **You know, instead of pink die because she's so goffik like that.** (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over **You're like the Marley brothers from Scrooge! "We're Marley and Marley, WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We're Marley and Marley, WHOOOOOOOOO! WE'RE MARLEY AND MARLEY! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. **Belly fings rock! Belly rings are like… so last chapter. **My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under.(email me if u wana see da pik) **I would but I have a brain and can look it up myself thanks. **

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **WHAT ABOUT BOB? xD (If you've seen that movie xDD)**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted. **Buy, but, but, Buy, but, but. Buy, but, but…Say it over and over again, It turned into bye bye butt, for me xD**

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **MOAN.**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **I'm now confused…**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. **I hope you know most emos and Goths are not like this. I'm practically both. DON'T listen to stereotypes people! **Draco banged on the door. **I would laugh if she put "banged WITH the door". xD** I whipped and whepped **I don't know what that is, but maybe I'll try it next time.** as my blody eyeliner **I just got an image of her trying to lick her eye because her eyeliner is bloody and she's a vampire… xD** streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **See? Role model material right here folks.**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **Everyone in this can do the impossible… they're that cool.**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. **I've lost all respect for you. Don't you know you don't drop good pot like that? Jeez. **"Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **Only you like there I thought… or maybe not… I'm onto you Ebooby ;)**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. **She wanted to have a threesome with Tom Rid/Draco and Hagrid. **

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. **Work it man.** "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **He shouldn't… but he does.**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **Ooo, I LOVE surprises! **

**This is just a caution… I have absolutely nothing against gays. That comment about Dumbledore means nothing, my best friend is gay, I swear. So just so you all know, I'm absolutely NOT a homophobe. **


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker **Ker… I want some curry right now.** wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1**Didn't you just say you didn't care? **fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania **I wanna go there… is it anything like Transylvania? **4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz. **Oh we don't… but you keep 'em coming anyways. **

All day I wondered what the surprise was. **Oh totally. Me too. **Meanwhile, I pot **MORE POT!** on a blak ledder **You put on a ladder? ** mini, a blak corset with urple **I thought of nipple… I'm sorry. **lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort **Another new character! I'll be sure to invite them all to my party… But Volxemort can come only if he's got a little side group like da Death Dealers of da Death Deelers.** had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, **You can mosh alone? I will have to try that tonight. **feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. **Myabe she pretending the doors and walls and stuff are other people, so she runs into them and shoves them… that must be how you mosh alone. xD** I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum **That makes it much more interesting** rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. **Oh yeah. I was there, I totally heard that too.**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell)**act shelly? ** kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh Loopin… you silly man. She doesn't use condemns! **

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally. **Well yes… Lupin would never do that, but Loopin totally would. (You now see why he had to go to St. Mango's: Home of the fruit loops?)**

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **You tell her!**

Well anyway, **She always says that. Makes it so casual xD** I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation.** Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow…** Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **How kinky.**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!"** Not as good as horny simpletons… but close. **they both shooted **CAN'T TOUCH THIS! **angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. **You interrupted Dobby's porn. He's upset now… look what you did.** Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) **I'm surprised you wouldn't let Vampire have Draco then. **but both of them were fuking preps. **Psh, but what about Snape's awesome robes? That's goffik… And Loopin! You're just hating because he's a werewolf…**btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) **Don't know who snake is… and what the hell is a griffindoor? (Man I love AVPM… I just had to say it) **

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. **No they wanted them for dinner! - _ -**(c I speld dat)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily. **Original: Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear, fuzzy wuzzy had no hair fuzzy wuzzy was a fuzzy wuzzy.**

**New version: Loopin Lumpkin was a pumpkin, Loopin Lumpkin had a bumpkin, Loopin Lumpkin was a bumpkin pumpkin.**

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed. **Shawty's like a melody in my head, that I can't keep out, got me singin' like… na na na na everyday, it's like my iPod stuck on replay, relay-ay-ay-ay…**

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot **Da da da da, da da, da da, can't touch this! **angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **She will now go back to her room to mosh and masticate to it.**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked.** Snark snark snark!** "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. **Dumbledork? Don't make fun of your new goffik BFF! **So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me** Naky chase! **but I threw my wound **Which wound? I thought you'd just take off your wrists again.** at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him. **Pigfarts duh. Don't bother following him, it's on MAAAARRRS. **

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." **You're going to have to make a better effort in bed if you really want him to. ;) Excuse my naughty mind. **Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?" **I didn't know that she could. xD**

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather **that's the sequel to Harry Potters. The Adventures of Serious Blak, DOGFATHER. **Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.** Because the world revolves around you.**

….I gasped.** Seriously. She NEEDS an inhaler. **

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.** Teenagers scare the living shit out of me, they could care less as long as someone will bleed. So darken your clothes, and strike a vi-o-lent pose, maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me! (My Chemical Romance lyrics to Teenagers. Now I know why they wrote that song. People like Ebooby wouldn't leave them alone.)**

Vampire and I began 2 make out** I've been cheated on… it sucks. I want to murder her even more now. **moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.** She's dying! Someone get an inhaler, stat!**

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! **Horny Simpleton! **He begin 2 sing 'Helena' **is that the only song he sings there?** and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. **Hall? Concerts are usually outside or in a huge theater/space with a stage xDD not in the hallways.**….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **He's mad because he had to leave Pigfarts to come back to you. **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21.

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng **fok-nug. ** suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok **there is spell check you know…**koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help.btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! **She probably ran around the building going, "I AM EBOOBY DARKNESS DEMENTIA TARA WAY! FEAR ME DRACULA!"**

Later we all went in the skull. **They rented it again **Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **Gothic voice… **

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. **TELL THAT HORNY SIMPLETON! (I'm using that line every chance I get because it was my favorite)** He stated **stated… so he said he was going to?** to run out of the place in a suicidal way.** So is running in a suicidal way just being really careless and instead of running down stairs you're falling down stairs? **I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **He already did it once.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily. **She's just upset because he didn't say her name right **Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail **pail= bucket or container… you figure out the rest** face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) **You're the one that called everyone who flamed your story "gay fags" so don't go talking crap. *Snaps* Oh yeah, I told her good.**

And then….. we herd sum **tell me the amount of footsteps.** footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. **Undefeatable coke. Yup, that's what I need.** We both gut **You gut it and then got under it?** under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, **I loe how she mixed up a cat… with a person… and the cat is female and the person male. **shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth **He's filthy** come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. **I can just imagine Filtch crawling on his hands and knees under their cloak and meowing at them. Now that led to an image of Mrs. Norris on her hind legs holding a flashlight in a paw, barking, "Who's there?" as she pets Filtch on the floor.**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" **What's a bich? I just can't keep up with the lingo these days…** Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. **He speaks to his naval, but he must go under his breast to do so.**

"EXCUS **Ex-cus… ** ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. **But he's under the cloak… he can't see that. **And then….Vampir frenched me!** HORNY SIMPLETON! **He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school. **Meh… I so much dislike how she portrays "emo" and "goth" people… We are NOT like that!**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. **Draco and "Vampire" indirectly kissed each other.** We went back to our coffins frenching each other. **See?** Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) **The monster alligator movie? **on the gothic red bed together. **I thought you said you went back to coffins…** As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. **Something that was happening now… so you had a vision of you putting in the video? **There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 **Fug and da Mystery of Magic… I must also invite them to my party. I think it shall all go quite nicely now.**

**You know… I think I've only ever read to chapter 20 before because I don't remember any of this now… This is so exciting! (NOT) There are like… forty something chapters I think…**

**Did you guys also know someone hacked into her account long ago and put in a hacker chapter? I am most excited for that… Chapter 39! Look for it in eighteen chapters! ;)**

**Hmmm… I'm doing this for my own entertainment (and yours) so I'm glad you're enjoying! This is so epic, you all should come to my party if you want to see Fug and da Mystery of Magic, Volsemort and da Death Dealers, and Vlodemort and da Death Deelers. You know you want to come ;)**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris **And point one for Tara.** itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 **She just said, "You fucking rock preps". Told you she's bipolar!**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeaah.** Well anyway, I woke up the next day. **tacky** I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. **That was the most hilarious mental image. **Then I gasped. **GASP.**

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! **Oh em geee! They're stalking her!**

I opened my crimson eyes. **She can see THROUGH her eyelids! **Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart **wart. See, because it's Hogwarts. If it was Pigfarts it would have been fart.** a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden **I love how she's describing what EVERYONE is wearing xD **B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage **I don't know what clearage is…** with a white apron that said 'bich' **still don't get this newfangled lingo.** and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) **Jenny…. GINNY? **was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. **Goyle: YEAH YOU'LL BE THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME!** It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. **Everyone's parents were vampire and are now dead… Now it's abnormal to not have dead parents at Hogwarts. **He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them **Well ain't this interesting… **and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **Stanism= worshiping the amazing man that is… Stan. **

"OMFG" I yielded **YIELD!** as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said. **Yeah. He saw his Little D and MUST tell her how fucked up that is. **

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.** Sexy voice. Oo la la.**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." **Erective= Straight and vertical… SLOUCH YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!**

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. **Was she in the thriller music video? **Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. **Random. If I was Britney, I'd go all ninja on them! **Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. **Always insulting him…** Cornelia Fudged **RANDOM GENDER CHANGE!** was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too. **RUMBLEROAR!**

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD **I just burst out laughing her. The Bark Lord must be related to the Dogfather. **IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! **I LOVE THIS STORY **YOU MUST RETRY** RETRY NOW! **OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt **it's not naky time yet Dumbledore** we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **They're all shocked he didn't say Ebony. They're wondering who the hell Enony is. She stole the other names of Ebony. **

**Ahahahahaha I got a review that made my day on the last chapter by Nightingale Heartz. **

**See everybody? My Immortal: A story that gives you a good laugh and helps bond family. *****Sniffle***** I'm so proud of what Ebooby has accomplished. **

"**Fug" is supposed to be Fudge I believe, HollyWrites. Fudge has also had a gender change because he is now Cornelia. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos **OH. EM. GEE. Is that like jello? I WANT THE JELLO O.o **koz I gut 10000 reviowz! **Most of them aren' t good… but I won't burst your bubble. **1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox** I don't know what boox are, but the books are real… and you should have read them before you wrote this… and watched the right movies. **gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! **Yeah, totally not preppy.**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge **SHE MUST BE RELATED TO RUMBLEROAR, HEADMASTER OF PIGFARTS.** and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum **Sigh…**and Rumbridge sawed us. **I like Rumbridge! May I take a turn sawing them now? :D**

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" **I love that she attempted to sensor this** Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her. **I imagine Dumbledore pulling out an air horn and blaring it at them.**

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her **is it possible to corrupt her more than she already is? **She means hi everybody cum in!" **tehe…**

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. **Watch out! Preps are stalking you!** I sat between Darknessand Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. **I keep trying to figure out what a morbid joke would be…**

**I just looked it up.. O.o **

**One of them was: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?... because it was dead!**

**Another…: Why did the girl fall off the swing?... because she had no arms!**

**Jeez… if that doesn't freak you out I don't know what will…**

They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. **Whaaaaa? **I eight some Count Chocula** she does math while she eats cereal. **and drank som blood from a cup. **Mmmm… my favorite. **Then I herd someone shooting angrily. **BANG! **I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **How rude.**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked. **Wuh-tuff. xD**

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" **You want to shit next to her? Psh, why don't you just shit on her? (Draco is ALREADY sitting next to her xD)**

"No I do!" shouted. **Okay fine… why don't you BOTH shit next to her?**

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco. No fuck you motherfucker she laves**= same as a lavatory.** me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. **CATFIGHT!**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. **GO HOME TERRORIST! **All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry.** I would cry if a terrorist busted through my school's window too…**Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating**. Shop eating= it's like shop lifting… but you shove a bunch of food in your mouth. Then you walk casually out of the restaurant with squirrel-like cheeks and hope no one notices. **Everyone gasped**.** Da room fell silent… … … … … … … . Volzemort! **Oh, never mind. False alarm. xD**

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer** Oh em gee, are we bringing Star Wars characters into this now? :D **sed evilly in his raspy voice**.** "Thou havfe failed ur mission. **I forget… was it to kill vampire or Draco? **Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him **I guess the answer was Draco…**before then I shall kill Draco too!"

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged. **Wait… I'm confused on who she's killing again.**

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.** Funny mental images… how grateful I am to you…**

I bust into and Vampire came to contort me. **He's going to twist her into a pretzel because he didn't get to shit next to her.**Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. **Can you see your own eyes when they roll into the back of your head? **I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed** as opposed to happily slitting his wrists while he laughed and skipped around? Again… I love my mental images…**way.

"No!" I screamed sexily.** I don't think that's possible… ESPECIALLY for you. **Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision. **I thought that was over already… hmmm… shows how much I know.**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.**You should be asking him that! He's the one slitting his wrists!**

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. **GRRRRR….**Tearz of blood went down my face.** Another thing she should really see a doctor about **"OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **I thought you liked that movie.**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though." **Sinister… I imagine some random wizard standing on top of a hill, laughing maniacally with clawed hands raised in the air as the camera spins around his with lightning flashing in the background.**

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went. **I'd slap her every time she called me 'bich' even though I don't know what it means… it sounds offensive. **

**I enjoy amusing myself with this story…**

**But in all honesty… if you guys could see what goes on inside my head, you would either scream and run or fall down laughing. I don't know, either works. ;)**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel! **But then we'd see you there…**11raven fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation next **that's where she gets her unacceptable behavior from **so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions**. That makes me think of Trevor… If I ever get a toad I am naming him Trevor, yup, for sure.**

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. **No dur… But what happened to Professor Trevolry? **She smelled at me **I can imagine her going down on all fours to sniff your butt like a dog **with her gothic black lipstick**.** She's da coolest fucking teacher ever**.** She had long dead black hair **dead hair… she murdered it! O.o **with blood red tips and red eyes. hr mom woz a vampire. **Everyone's parents are vampires** She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and n b'loody mry get along grate) **I can imagine them shouting each other and annoying each other. That's how grate they get along** She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearinga black leather top with red laceand a long goffik black ripped dress.We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong.I raced my hand.** I race my hands too. Sometimes lefty wins, sometimes righty. They're both quite speedy. **I was wearing some black naie **Naie **Polish **WHY WOULD YOU WEAR A POLISH PERSON?**with red pentagrams on it. **Totally, super kawaii.**

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?" **My friend LOVES Hot Topic… if she read this she'd never shop there again.**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT **Even the "preps" at my school know what Hot Topic is…** was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger."Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?" **It's due right now… now…**

"Ho about now?" she asked. OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." **Wow… awesome teacher **Proffesor Trevolry **She must have multiple personalities or something **said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit)** I don't know what sick person laughs at exorcisms… **1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die. **Muahaha random story time…**

**Yesterday I was at a restaurant and I was trying to tell my Mom about these awesome pants this kid was wearing. But so they didn't know I were talking about them I said, "pantalones." She didn't get it so I said it louder. **

**When I walked by the family again one of the other kids almost knocked over my grandma so the mom scolded him and apologized to me… in Spanish. **

**O.o So I was standing there screaming about pants to them…**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. **Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket!** I looked at it. **And freaked out because I couldn't see anything because it was black.**

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **She's imagining the skull and pentagram, all she really sees is BLACK because it's painted!**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco.** The door was DRACO? This dude's got ninja skills. **He was looking really sexy wearinga black leather facet**, **a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirtand blak Congress shoes. **That's kind of a cool door xD**

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt said Proffesor. **That's terrible. Dumbledore has really lost it… First Quirrel, then Lockhart, then the fake Mad-Eye... and not even get me started on Umbridge…**

"Bye bitch." I said waving. **That is also terrible… He's also lost it on his choosing of the students… **I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **What were you displaying?**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111**Who's Justin? How do you virtually beat someone? What are they betting about? Find out (maybe) next time on My Immortal! **n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111** Nerds don't likey you! I'm a nerd and I don't likey you! **FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. **Because she's a sex maniac. **We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. **I love how such a lovely couple swear all the time towards each other.**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice.** Sexah voice!** He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. **Oh Ebooby… You have no idea how hard I'm laughing at you right now… **He started to fly the car into a tree. **AHHHHHH! MY WAND! MY WAND! M-…. Did Draco break his wand? ;)** We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling **tiling= laying of tiles **of each other's cloves fevently. **I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt…** He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. **You wear a bar where? **I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **Trobbing… tehe. At least she's moved on from thingy and you-know-what to trobbing and tool.**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. **She's having an organisim! AHhHHHHHHH! **We stated frenching passively. **That's such a boring kiss! **Suddenly… I fell asleep. **xDDDD I just cracked up! Draco you're so boring! Get a sex guide or something!** I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair. **Pew! Pew! **

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. **I imagine a guy running to his car and hopping in. Then he picks up the sides and starts running so you can see his feet sticking out the bottom. xDD**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.** He's wondering what the hell made you fall asleep and dream up such a ridiculous dream.**

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. **Boo hoo. **I told Draco to call Vampire. **Yeah. Call him so you can all have a threesome **He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile.** Likin Park! MY favorite! **Butt **BUTT? WHERE?** the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111 **Lucius and Sirius? GASP!**

**Sorry for late updates people. School is so hectic now that it's started again! **

**Anyways, I'm back and having fuuuuun! xD **

**Enjoy! I love reading all your comments! **


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11 **You were too! You and your stupid prejudice opinions of RASINS sucks!**

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. **And was promptly smashed to death by the Whomping Willow. **He was wearing a blak leather jackson, **that's my favorite type of clothes too. Whenever someone asks I simply say… "Jackson". **black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. **A sob flirt. xD Is that anything like a sneeze fart? **Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. **How do you sexily hug someone? Do you start like…. Humping them or something? **I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened. **Devil child! Devil child! (Like in the Hairspray movie xD)**

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!" **Ebooby's Mamma! Kidding… I only wish…**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."

We ran out of the tree **and fell all the way to the bottom to be smashed on the ground and then smashed INTO the ground by our lovely school tree. (really people… just picture it) **and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire **My king Dumblydore… *bows*** are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **Which totally makes it true.**

Dubleodre started to cockle. **There are many ways to translate the word cockle… Too many for me to write. Look it up my friends… and have yourself a good laugh.** "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **(Divisional = divided into separate states)**

I glared at Dumbledore. **Yeah! Separate states? Psh, get your geography right! **

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter)** The toot of the cracker? Oh my gosh, I'm using that one every day now…** "U know very well that I'm not decisional. **(Decisional = prone to making decisions rapidly) **Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **He wants ANOTHER porn video…**

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. **I can imagine her mind having a battle. The stupid section versus the stupider section! Let the match… BEGIN! **Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said. **Longdon must be the London of the Twilight Zone! **I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **I love your descriptions. Really, you are my inspiration. **a few mistunes **Learn to play your bloody instrument right!** he came back and said people were going out looking for them. **Helpful! **After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **Shouldn't… vampire be in the nurse then? **We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. **HORNY SIMPLETONS! **Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **RUN FOR YOU LIIIIIIIVVVVVES! **

**So…. All in all, the stupid part of Ebooby's brain fought valiantly but just wasn't stupid enough to beat the stupider part of her brain. It honestly wasn't a fair fight, so the stupider part of her brain beat the stupid part and now she's stupider times 3! Yayyyyyyyy!**

**The End…. For now….. :DDDDDDD !**


	27. Chapter 27 vampirz wil never hurt u

Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u **Harry looks up from Hufflepuff's neck. "Yup, vampires won't hurt you. EVER." O.o :D**

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 **Tara calm down. Oh wait! I know what'll calm you! *whips out Redvines* Redvines… What the hell can't they do? ;)**so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport **Her writing is so difficult to read it's a sport. xD Whoever can decode the most wins! **help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital **Come now… I feel sympathy towards that but… a part of me doesn't believe you… **rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111 **Gurrrrrrl! *snaps fingers* You don't rock! **

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. **Totally. You're a true hero. I. Love. You… That was convincing, right everyone? **Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. **HUGGY TIIIIME! **The nurse started to give them medicine. **NOOOOO! SHE'S GOING TO DRUG AND KILL YOU!**

"Cum on Enoby." said Proffesor Sinatra. **AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! **She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots. **Vampire blood on it? CANNIBALISM! Now I must dance… Car-ni-vor, an-i-mal, I am a can-ni-bal, I eat boys up, you be-tter run. *dances* **"I have to tell you the fucking perdition." **She must tell her what her punishment in hell is? Well then… I suppose this story kind of makes sense now…**

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake **WHO IS DRAKE? IS HE DRACO, DRAKO, OR DRAKE? MY BRAIN IS MELTING OUT OF MY EARS! AHHHHHHHH! **and Vampire. **Ha, she gets everyone's names wrong except "vampire's"** They nodded. **I find it amusing that I do this to procrastinate… **

I smelled happily **WOOF WOOF! **and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. **Who's ready for spin the bottle? :D **She started to look into a black crucible **= container for melting something…** ball. **MELTING BALL! It's like fondue! :D** She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." **Drako time! **She said badly. **She said it badly… very very badly. Shame. **She peered into da balls. **I hope I'm not the only one with a dirty mind…**You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had. **Time toner. It makes time toned like abs on a sexy guyyy!... Order now. **"When Voldemint **The best gum in town! **was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. **They took his heart out through his guts! **Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" **Totally. **I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. **Ahahahahahahahahhahahaha…. This is gonna be a blast. **It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it." **AHHHHHHH! *screams for 5 minutes straight again***

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. **I hope I'm not the only one who didn't understand a single word of that. **I went outside again sadly. **Yes, sad, depression, wannabe goth/emo. WE GET IT.**

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire. **Uh oh. I hope they weren't fjucking.**

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary? ** Question mark?**

I was about to tell them butt **BUTT TRUMPET! **every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. **Who would celebrate Lucius being found? I thought everyone wanted the opposite…** Everyone was proud of me butt **YOU BUTT TRUMPET!** I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name **They've been doing that the whole story and you just NOW notice? **and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. **Muahahahahahaha, let us bring Rita Skeeter into this now. **A banner was put up. **What did it say? I'm curious and looking for a good laugh. **Lotz of fucking prepz were there ***screams* **oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. **Oh my! NOT HIM! I don't know who the hell he is but he sounds SCARY! **Even Mr. Noris looked happy. **I can imagine Mrs. Norris standing on her hind paws again, stroking Filtch on the floor while they mingle at a party. xD **A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke **I thought they would've eaten it by now… Oooo, any more morbid jokes? **set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises. **NO! DON'T BRING THE TWINS INTO THIS NOW! I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH!**

I put on my Invisibility coke **So this time it's invisible coke instead of invincible coke? Darn it…**with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether. **Oooo! Oooo! Are they all going to play beer pong?**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28.

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111 **The red is overtaking my vision! Ahhhh! *Runs blindly in circles before running into wall***

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak **Right. Because no way would a black room have black walls or anything like that… Totally absurd.** with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. **NO HUFFLEPUFFS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS STORY. *Hufflepuff falls over and dies in the background*** I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff **More bars xD **on it, fishnet suckings **So that means you caught a bunch of fish and attached them to your leg so they could suck on it right?** and a blak leather thong underneath. **Those things CAN'T be comfortable… I just don't understand…**

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. **Dispersedly = discreetly, in isolation **So did Drako and Vampire. **xD I can imagine them all going to their separate corners of the room, sitting in a chair facing the wall in complete silence.**

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard **Harry! Stop planting bastards all over the place! **hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it. **What happened to pentagrams?**

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. **I love how she says every single on of his actions are sexy… xD Tom Felton is sexy, yes… when he's not a pale weirdo…** I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. **YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING! VAMPRIE IS GOING TO RAPE HIM!**

"Itz okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?" **Never. I'll just cheat several times and have fun with Vampire and Moldy Voldy. **

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

**Guess what time it is? That's right! RANDOM STORY TIME! **

**Ahem… today for one of my classes we were trading items to study economy. First I got a vibrating giraffe pillow that was AMAZINGLY WEIRD, then I got a sesame street doll xD, and then… I got a yellow flashlight! **

**:D I wrote on it in sharpie. It's my Sexy Yellow Flashlight. SYF for short! **

**Okay, back to the sucky story! Remembered everybody! Quoted in the words of Tara: VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD**

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. **Aaawkwaaard…**

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. **I think she's mistaking the tattoo. It still says Vampire, he just changed it so you wouldn't flip out again and stomp around.** Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. **No way. You've only said that a hundred times, not like it's getting old or anything. **Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). **PORNO. I don't care what you say.**

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif. **I need my brain bleach!**

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock **SPOCK! xD I love it! I'm SO using that to describe people. ;) **in my you-know-what and passively we did it. **That would suck. Who wants passive sex? That's like… horrible.**

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed**… passivly** as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. **Vampire, you dirty little freak ;)** Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 **Man… that's not nearly as good as Dumbledore's motherfucker line…**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29.

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111 **Fok sounds like spock… She's so nerdy :)**

"Oh my satan!1" **I've never heard anyone use that phrase in real life… OMS.** we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle **Head of the wizard google.** mstarted to shoot at us angrily. ***throws grenade* BOOM!**

"CUM NOW!1!" **So wrong… there's a gas station called Kum & Go…** Preacher McGongel yielded. **Every time she says yielded, I think of the robots from WALL-E who just have HALT in big letters. xD** We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket. **Carmel? Now that's kinky.**

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily. **Yeah! Don't take their kinkyness away!**

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. **So many things wrong with that sentence it's not even funny. **"Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. **Home of the Fruit loops.** So give back da camera!1111"

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly. **It's like Snoop Dogg. That's hilarious, a rappin' gangsta Snape. Just imagine the epicness…**

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. **So inappropriate… **There were all these werid tools in it. **Kinky.** Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez **I have no idea if tom felnot does, but I know Tom Felton definitely does. **4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **I did not comprehend half of that sentence. O.O**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). **I need a translator for Tarian language! **Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes. **HONK HONK! *Goose pops out and runs around the room***

And then….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. **I love how she thinks everything requires magic. xD She probably believe the lamps are magic… Like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes. **They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots **ballots = votes, polls, surveys **gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

"Crosio!" I shouted. **I'm upset. I liked Crookshanks better.** Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. **Ballet = form of dancing mostly performed by women** I STOPPED DA CURSE. **CAPS LOCK **Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. **Including herself? Talk about backfiring…** She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry. **So odd… This is odder than the ninja fights I have with my friend in the middle of class.**

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. **Who? **Remember the cideo u took of Snake." **Are we back to Snaketail? Love child of Wormtail and Nagini? **

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 **S&M… **


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30.

**I feel that I should congratulate you. Fighting through random sex scenes, Crookshanks curses, wombs, pedophiles, and all these goffik freaks… you've finally managed to make it to chapter 30. **

**Continue the journey… Not even I know how it ends…**

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 **I find it odd how much I suddenly want to know…** so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 **pale as a vampire's tooshie!** soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111** She's trying to bring logic into this…**

"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. **How do you become a mean loafer? Throw bread at people while you laze around?**He took out a kamera anvilly.** The first thing that came to mind: Oh my gosh! He's gonna drop an anvil on them! :O** Then… he came tords Darko!1!** Darko! **He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle. **I love how amazingly kinky that is…**

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily. **He's going to make Draco jump over the candle stick! **

**Draco, be nimble,**

**Draco, be quick,**

**Draco, jump over the candlestick. **

**Draco jumped high,**

**Draco jumped low, **

**Draco jumped over**

**And burned his (ARSE! Kidding…) toe.**

Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants.** Dear lord… he's going to jump over the candlestick WITH him! I'm going to have to write a whole new poem for that! **I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!** ….. Oh my gosh that's hilarious! And horribly painful xD… poor guy.**

He waved his wand **I'm sorry… which wand? (Sorry xD)** and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap **Back to being Snoop Dogg! **Draco!1"

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.** *Robots from WALL-E rush in* HALT!**

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy.** He looked like a sexy drug?** He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) **Even if you are… that made no sense whatsoever. ** between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive.** Amusing… *Strokes beard like evil guy in movies***

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. **What happened to being Christian? **He started to do an incapacitation **Just think about her word choice for a moment…** dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. ***gigglesnort* **Suddenly an idea I had.** My English teacher would whip you for this monstrosity… **I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape.** I HATH TELEKENESIS!**

"Dumbeldork** Dumbledore's brother is a little slow… **will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.** What happened to the ropes?... Did you eat them again? shakes head and wags finger**

"You ridiculus dondderhed! **Dondderhed… I love it. **111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him** AH! MY EYES! MY POOR EYES!**

"Crosio!" I shited **YOU SHITED ON HIM? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** pointing my wound.** Like when Vampire pointed his womb?** Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. **Yes, we've established that he's screaming…** Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. **Say whaaaaaa? **I stopped doing crucio. **Failure at the art of multitasking.**

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus **I keep wondering who this is now… If that's Severus… Then who is that? O.o **came.

Snake **Wait, this guy was dead so many chapters ago…** put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied.** What, with them tied up? And Draco and Snape naked? He must be teaching the art of abuse. **But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. **He's not a fighter…**Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony **Woah… I thought her name was Ebooby this whole time… What. The. Fuck. **let's go."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31.

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 **What'd you call me? O.o *****raises wand* I'll jellyjinx you I swear…** stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 **And you don't know what a Mary SUE is…** fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca **Bitcha! (It must be a new planet since he's the sun) **(bufy rox!111)." **Isn't Buffy a vampire slayer? **Serious **He's… -wait for it…- SERIOUS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -_-** said 2 Snape.

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed.** Yes… how to be raped by your teacher 101.**

"Oh fucking yeah?"** Did you guys fucking know fucking goes fucking anywhere in a fucking sentence? **I took some blak Volremortserum ***Screams* **out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. He made Snap dirnk it.** I can imagine him forcing himself to drink it as two different characters… like interpretation!**

**Severus: Drink it!**

**Snap: *Switches character* NOOOOOOO! **

**Severus: *Switches back to Severus* I swear I'll do it! Drink the damn Volremortserum!**

**Snap: *Switch again* No! I don't even know what the hell that is!**

**Severus: *Final switch!* RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! *Forces himself to drink it***

He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. **ADHD **Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. **Secretsssssssssss…sss…s….**Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times **Yes! Thank you for doing nothing for me whatsoever!** Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary **I thought this was Hermione…** gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry.

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. **Wow, it's been so long since she's completely described something I almost forgot… **I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.** I would laugh if it was backwards…**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said. **You fucking look fucking kawaii fucking fucking fucking fucking… -SPARE ME!- bitch.**

"Fangs." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. **Stop comparing yourself to movies and stuff… you're really not that cool. Heck, you're not even as cool as Barney…**Then she gave me a black time-tuner. **Must everything be colored black in your world?**"After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. **Pensive+time turner= INCEPTION MINDBLAST** Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted.Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. **SAY WHAAAAA? **Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. **Stop saying you do things sexily. You don't, it's not possible, just stop it.**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School.** Good thing to know it's not a skull this time. **In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen.** WOAH…. Sexier than evey other guy you've laid your goffick eyes on? **He was wering long blak hair, **WIG ALERT** kinda like Mikey Way only black. **You already said it was black…** He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was….Tom Bombodil!1111 **I just snorted into my glass… Ewww…**

**HEY! When I talked about interpretation (interp) ^^ up there, if you don't know what it is you should watch all the youtube videos of people doing it! It's brilliant! Especially the HI ones, they're hilarious! ((Excluding duos) interp is basically one person telling a shortened version of an already written story (Ex: Harry Potter) playing all the different characters. **

**Lots of the characters people do make me think of some of the ones in this story xD… yes… they're THAT weird… And don't tell me you already know what it is… even if you do! I spent time describing it in great detail… -_- No really… Just kidding xD**

**I'd give you all some links… but I don't think I'm allowed to do it specifically on my story, so if you want me to give you some good ones to watch, just PM me! :D **

**Thanks for all the reviews! Glad I'm not the only one getting entertainment out of this!**


	32. Chapter 32

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil** I thought of Houdini when I saw that… you know, Harry Houdini… but now it's Tom Bodini… not nearly as catchy…** dat wuz a mistak!1111** This story is full of mistakes my dear** if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111

"Hi." I said flirtily. **Stop doing things flirtily! Oooh, have you guys seen Who's Line is it Anyway? You HAVE to watch it if you have it. I thought about this from Scenes From a Hat (look on youtube) they're FANTASTIC… Ok, sorry for my ADHDness!** "Im Enoby **She can't even say her own name… sigh…** Way **She's not telling them about her Dementia hmm? Clever girl…** da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.

"Da name's Tom." **NO, that's not how you do it. You have go go… "The names Riddle… TOM… Riddle." And then he must wink! That is how it much be done!** he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam" **I thought his middle name would be Stan… Like Stanism… Hmmm, I need to stop getting my hopes so high.**

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan...do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den)**Ha, I really don't think Green Day existed back then either xD** I asked.

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s) **Good Charlote wasn't around then either you crazy wanka! (Sorry to any offended Brits :o)**

"omg me too!" I replied happily. **HAPPY!**

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered.

"hogsment?" I asked. **I was thinking the same thing…**

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." he told me all sekrtivly** But the Potter books take place in the 90's… Either I'm losing it or she is… I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's her though.**

"and theres a really cool shop called Hot-topic!" I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned. **Noo xD Tehe with the long Oooo sound xD. **

**He moaned? O.o The world hot and topic put together must make him horny… hmmm, some people have the oddest turn ons…**

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. **Good could you explain it to me?**"so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted.

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'" **JK meant for Slytherin to be the bad (kind of ) house… you just take it to a whole different unnecessary level…**

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED. **Omugh! Shummm tooo! I'm going to shout that in my French class :) **

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik)**I like how many times she uses that joke and how many times it's not funny… how amusing** he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili. **Happy smell! That's going to someday become a thing. Perfumes that smell of emotion. Happy smells, sad smells, angry smells, lusty smells,… oh yeah, all that and MORE.**

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck **PH-CHA!** and started shredding **I can imagine Dumbledore flying in and grabbing them and shredding them up in a blender or a paper shredder… xD In a comedic way, not a gory horror movie way** at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!" **Tehe, I'm trying to decide if I like this Dumbledore better or the wannabe fake goth Dumbledore.**

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps."

**Oh I got it...**

**Slytherin - Stereotypical Goths, Punks, Emos**

**Gryffindors – Stereotypical Preppy, Surfer, Jocks**

**Ravenclaws - Stereotypical Nerds and Hipsters, **

**Hufflepuff - Particularly Good Finders… Oh, and apparently Slytherin food.**

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink **I fink too. I like to fink when fings get finking annoying… That made no sense whatsoever.** mebe its becos ur da barke lord." **BARK BARK BARK!**

"wtf?" he asked angrily. **And that's a quote. Wutuf!**

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly. **Nup, napsalutly nuffin.**

then suddenlyn... the floor opened. **THE PIT OF DESPAIR!** "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly." **...You're not going to flip them off?**

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell. **Oh my gosh that's fantastic! She starts falling down into a black pit of nothingness and his response is… "Where are you going?" xD Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!**

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said. **Impossible. You're getting Dumblydum mixed up with Dumbledore and Dymblydore. RACIST SISTER! (Except I'm not a sister of hers…)**

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik. **WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HERRRE?**

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?"

:"um." I looked at her. **I was going back in time and flirting with Satan and falling through floors and stuff… you know, average crap like that.**

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that." **YEAH**

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok. **Rule #385 It's okay for Goffs to scream at other Goffs.**

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." she started to cry black tears of depression. **I wonder if she'd fair any better at poetry…** dumblydum didn't know about them.

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.

**OH NO YOU DIDN'T! DUMBLYDUM 'BOUT TO PIMP SLAP YOU!**

**Ebooby: O.o **

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby...I think im addicted to Voldemortserum." **You can be addicted to that like… drugs, sex, and alcohol? **

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112 **Serus issuz everybody… serus…**

**Sorry I haven't updated this is a while guys! But just so you remember, I love reading your comments! They make me laugh and remind me that I'm not a complete crazy person for doing this because other people are also entertained. xD **


	33. Chapter 33

**Welcome back to the mystifying world of Ebooby Dementia (whatever the rest is) Way! The commentator (moi) would like to personally apologize for lack of updates! I don't know if I've already said this, but with school and such, I don't have a lot of free time… But I'm back for another chapter! (and promise I WILL eventually finish this :) Enjoy!**

Chapter 33

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok **Isn't it? **if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 **I wish I could flame… shoot fire out of my hands… poof** ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim **Who is this Tim character? Is he on Team Preps or Team Goffs?** I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1 **Pst! You don't want her to Raven, big no no!**

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted **PEW!** sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?" **The crazy house for all Manga characters **

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy, **Was she trying to say Eggy or Eggnog? Or Ogre? Or Lizzy Ogre? Or… I can't do this.** I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?" **Tom Anderson? The dude who created Myspace? O.o Even he shouldn't be dragged into this…**

"Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit **Tshit... **

**Me: Happy Birthday!**

**Friend: *****opens and pulls out big black shirt with shit drawn all over it in silver sharpie***** O.O What is this?**

**Me: It's a Tshit! :D **

**Friend: *****slap***

which wuz his panamas. **Like the country? Where is my Panamas?**

"Hey Sexxy." I said. **Sexy… With two x's ;)**

"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking. **YOU GIVE COMENTATOR NIGHTMARES! TOM FELTON IS ACTUALLY HOT, DON'T RUIN THIS FOR HER!... Commentator also likes to talk in third person… tehe.**

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

"How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously. **Amazing, we talked girl stuffs like shoppin' and then I fell down a hole! Good times!**

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked. **xD Borked…. It's like the Swedish Chef from the Muppets!... I've always loved the muppets… Doo doo doo, da doo doo doo… (etc.) BORK BORK BORK!**

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily. **Teenage angst… and hormones… and drugs… **

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. **Notice she said "not too far"… so only a little… just a weeeeee bit of it ;)** Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. **Gee Ebooby, stop shooting at people… someone could get hurt.** I said sorry. We frenched. **Like… you were frenching a rack of lambs? (It's a actual cooking technique people) Or did you get your nails painted together? :D** "What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled. **They went away to find more choco…. SQUIRREL (Up reference for the wiiin! :D)**

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. **He's so… feminine.** He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin **THEY BAKED LUPIN INTO A PIE?** werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife. **He was… acting on them with a black knife?**

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged **We got this in the bag...** as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. **She laughed and took statistics at the same time! SO MULTITALENTED!** I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. **Yeah get those photons… photosynthesis… whoo…** (ok I no dis iz men **Good, you've learned the difference between a man and woman now…** but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz **You're right they are people** nd Snap trid 2 rap **He never should have tried to rap… I agree** dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz **LOLZ**). We took sum of Snipe's **GET THE SNIPE!** blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves **Mmmm… my cloves get dirty too, especially when the garlic is just too strong to handle…** were kinda drity so I pot **Where do they keep getting all this pot?** on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' **Question mark?** by MCR. Den….we storted **you sort that stuff** 2 take of eachotherz clozez. **BUT YOU JUST GOT DRESSED!** I tok of his shit **YEAH GIRL YOU TAKE THAT SHIT!** nd he had a six-pak, lolz. **Nice how you find that amusing.** We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. **AGAIN… QUESTION MARK?** He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. **WHAT**

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation. **WHAT IS WITH ALL THE PASSIVE ACTIONS!...**

**My English teacher is passive aggressive… At least THAT is a real thing…**

"I luv u TaEbory." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol **:P**

**Maybe because I feel bad about not updating I MIGHT update another chapter later…. I hope you guys continue to comment so I know I'm not out of my mind yet! Yaaayyyy! :D**


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34.

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 **Well I'm seeing a lot of red from your mistakes if that's what you mean…** u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 **I'm not a prep or poser… just a crazy writer having some fun. **

I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. **One nighter** I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsssthat was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth.I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. **OH MAH GOSH I'VE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT HER DESCRIPTIONS OF HER CLOTHES ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!** Suddenly…. Sorious cocked on da door. **(WARNING! SENSOR YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE CONTINUING!)… He banged on the door with his COCK? ** I hopened it. **That's right, it's so scary you must use all your hope to open that DOOR O.o**

"Hi Ibony." he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor's office." **No way. She's gotta cum in her office?**

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence.I came anyway. **YOU MAKE COMMENTATOR SO MAAADDDD!**

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily. **Well… Loopin is a fruit loop and Snipe is being hunted by talking dogs!**

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. "They r in Abkhazian now, lol." **Lawlz.**

I laughed evilly. "Where r Draco and Vampira?" **Vampira= sister of Vampire **I muttered.

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." Sodomize moaned sexily. **1. Who the hell is Sodomize?**

**2. why would he moan sexily about that? **

**3. Why does everyone have these awful turn ons in this story?**

**4. Why does this make no sense to me!**

"Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas." **Good movie… I approve…**

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic. **I like how I have no idea what you're talking about and how you think you're so cool because Ebooby is like Amy Lee which she is not. Me no comprende. Non... Me have no idea what's even going on anymore.**

She wuz drinking some Volximortserum. **Whoo… drugs…**

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner. **I don't know what that is, but I do know that Pensive+Time turner= Mind fuck.**

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!" **Zzzzz… What's going on? Why is she adikited? What the hell? SPORK!**

And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. **Is it like count chortla? *****Chortles******* It was mourning. **WHO DIED? O.O YOU? DRAKO? VAMPIRA? Esiogmaspoidmgon ? QUEER VOLDEMORT?**I was sitting next to Satan. **Not Stan?** On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed…he was drinking a portent. **Portent= omen… Saying someone was drinking a portent= ?**

"Whose he!11" I asked. **Good question? And why does he drink omens?**

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." **Stupid Slutborn… So kinky…** Satan said. "He's da Portents teacher …..Ebony?" **So he teaches about omens… as well as consumes them?**

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat." **The Exercise. Headline: The right way to watch your exercise! **

"Yah?"

"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?" **LAWLZ**

**Sigh… well I'm tired so I apologize if I'm not as random and… you know, as usual. But I updated again! :D Yay! Let me thank you all for your splendiferous comments! **

**And a little bonus added on! (Depending on what you consider a bonus…) I will be replying to some of the comments on here from the last chapter! WHOO! Alright… *straightens note cards* Let's start, shall we?**

***Clears throat* Ahem… **

**obsessivegirl73- **_**Thank you for informing me of this! I will have to check it out! :D I think it's funny how all these people name their stories after Evanescence songs! xD **_

**Gold Phoenix Selreena- **_**Thank you! As I always say, it's nice to know that people enjoy my commentary rather than find it irritating and a nuisance… Whoo! *dances***_

**xxBlaineXKurtxx- **_**You amuse me… thank you *bows* for being the first commenter when I first joined this site oh so long ago. I never did thank you for that… ANYWAYS, I'm not going to get all sentimental now… ***__**sniffs and wipes away tear**__*** I WILL FINISH THIS THING! WHOO!**_

**So! Please continue to comment! It means a lot to me and helps me make sure I don't offend or anything… because you know… Ebooby/Tara already does enough of that.**

**By the way… Any of you peeps ever heard of One Direction from the X Factor last year?... Well… being all American and (sadly) not British I recently started listening to them… they're pretty cute… and good singers. First boy band for me to actually enjoy… **

**So… that is all…. COMMENTATOR OUT!**


	35. Chapter 35 gost of u

**Commentator: *Poof~ Appears in fancy suit with cane and top hat***** Hellloooo everybody! Guess who's back?**

**Random person: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and friends? **

**Commentator: -_- …. Shut up you… Incorrect, ME! :D And I'm back for another exciting installment of My Immortal! Yayyyyy!**

Chapter 35. gost of u **Angst filled chapter name**

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sunso FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz**. How unfortunate… I didn't really catch what was just said there… at all…**

I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped… … … … … … .. Draco wuz there!111 **That's a lot of period triplets for just Draco…**

I grasped. **Grasp it honey, grasp it!** He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner. **Ledder pants… they're a cross between leather and lederhosen. **

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped. **Gospel?**

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1He stil had two arms.** Wait, who's Lucan and when did he lose an arm in the first place? O.o**

"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz." **Lawl, she actually said that.**

"Yah Satan told me abot you." Lusian said. **Is this supposed to be Draco's father? O.o** He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. **He pinted to a group of sexy gothic guys? How did he pint exactly? What is pinting? Why am I so confused!** They where siting in a corner kutting. **Knitting? xD A bunch of gothic Hogwarts students sitting around knitting… casual.** It wuz Serious, **So it was Sirius the person or it was serious like take me seriously?** Vampire's dadand… … … … … … Snap! **How come Draco and Snape get all the period triplets?** All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up. **Haha so bad, I don't even know what's going on :D**

"ORLY." I ESKED. **According to Urban Dictionary… Esked or esking is to have ducked out or ran away usually for being caught up in a risky situation. Originally comes from stoners trying to avoid the police also used by Gangstarz but becoming ever more popular in the council flat community… and it has 1 thumbs up! :D**

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX.I play teh gutter. **YOU PLAY THAT GUTTER! WHOO!** Spartacus plays da drums" **THIS… IS… SPARTAAAAA!** he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. **He's such a pimp **And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring." **Question mark?**

"Hey bastards." I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. **She's got the best way of greeting people **Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly. **You made Dawn cry!  
><strong>  
>"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists."<p>

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped. **So she disliked suicide… by cutting her wrists… Wow…**

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro said.**It's a job where you're paid to eat lead and snigger a lot.**

"Wel… … … ..I said Im in a bnad myself." **NO, YOU DON'T DESERVE PERIOD TRIPLETS! O.O**

"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111 **Isn't he now? Because you know… he was in the knitting circle.**

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?" **NO**

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11Gurn Day**. Okay first of all that's a bad pun. Second, WHO THE HELL IS GURN DAY? LIKE… GURNEY?**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." I sang sexilyI dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.** They're gonna boo you honey, get ready! **

"Enopby?Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap**. LIES!**

"Um… ….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?" ***Random gothic knitter hits gong*******

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit**.** **How rich are you exactly?** I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans**. WHO IS MORTY MCFLII?**

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." **He's helping you go in Tim? WHAT? DON'T MAKE TINY TIM BE FORCED TO SEE HER TOO!** he said siriusly Den… … … he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and… … … … … … … … .. I wuz forward in tim!111 **The tim machine generates tims… **

**GAH! Bad story, shame on you…**

**ANNNNYYYWAAAYYYSS…. Hi! I hope all of you out there are ready for a very happy Christmas holiday in 4 days!**

**It's what made me think of Tiny Tim actually… I just watched the Muppets Christmas Carol. xD **

**Sooo… heads up. I don't know if any of you have marked me as your favorite author or whatnot because I stopped letting Fanfiction send emails to me. xD But… if you are… then be on the lookout for a new story/story updates! **

**Wattpad isn't exactly doing it for me right now… so Fanfiction, here I come! :D **

**So I hope you've enjoy my useless spamming and rambling, but happy Hanukkah or Christmas or whatever! :D Happy holidays! **

**Hope you guys continue to support and send me the love I love! :)**


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36 **I always find myself unbelievably proud that she manages to spell 'chapter' right every time. **

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 **Yup. When I'm seventy, I'm going to sit around in all my catladyism glory and flame stories on FF. By the way, I don't know if I've told you all that catladyism is what I've converted to. Guys just… grrrr -_- Me living in a house full of cats, so many cats in fact, that they're squished up against the windows and all you can see from the outside is the furry windows… yes ** ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111 **Wherever the hell that is.**

I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B'lody Mary, Socrates **He's the man **and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.

"OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip **Snip snap… tomato to-mat-o, potato pa-ta-to…** nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111" **Well he still looks awfully like it you know. **

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly. **He's serious, geddit? xD No -_- I don't either. **

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice **She's made emo a type of voice?... I just sat here for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what a emo voice would be… **dirnking some volxemortserom. 

Hi fuker." I said. "Lizzen, **Who is this? Lizzy? Like Lizzy Mcguire?... I never really did watch that show.** Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet **cornet as in the instrument, or the woman/nun's headdress? Oh lord… that just made me imagine a gothic nun… O.O Some day that's going to be a horror movie just watch… they already made a horror movie about a tire that exploded people's heads or something… I think it's called "Rubber" but ANYWAYS, I will now proceed to shut up.** and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I'm playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too." **LIAH!**

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) **NOOOO! I DON'T! LORDY GIRL! WHY DON'T YOU JUS**T **WRITE A STORY ABOUT TALKING SCARFS!** gasped B'lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?" **No. Sike, of course she does.**

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" **Let's sit around and gothically knit. Whoo, here goes the knitting circle again.** said Profesor Trevolry. **Neville's toad has become a teacher?**

"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow.

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum **DRUGGIE?** anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly. **She sleeps around so much he needs to get a love potion to just make her stay with someone else forever. **

"Well we have potions klass now." **It's time for klaaaaaas everyone**Willow said **"**so let's go.**" I added in the quotation marks… they felt right.**

We went sexily to Potionz class. **Me and friends do that too. We sexily go to each of our classes. I'm sexy and I know it! *song by LMFAO* *dances around* By the way, don't ever watch that music video** But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck!11111 **I like that name. At least he's not Cornelia anymore, he decided he liked being a man again.**

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily. **I THOUGHT YOU GUYS DIDN'T LIKE HIM BECAUSE HE WAS A PREP!**

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. **My friend said that once… he said, "Would you all please collectively stfu!" Stu-foo…. I love him so much.** "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. **Why does she have to take serious things and mess around with them oh so cruelly? :(** "Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked arngrily. **I'M IN A RAGE!**

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly. **Yes**

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111" **WHO?**

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. **Wow** Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard. **Seamus:** **That's one big cuboard**

"WTF is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly… "HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted. **AUGH! MY EYES!**

I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily. **I'M GOING TO DIEEEEEEE!**

"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was…Amnesia Portion!111 **Alright, no comment. **

**Hello everyone… I hope you're enjoying this…. My suffering and pain I mean -_- HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS FREAKIN' STORY IS LEFT? How much bad can you put into one story? Actually a lot… I saw a story that involved Jesus and a bunch of other religious figures being emo or something…. That was just awful -_- I'm not too religious but I'm not an atheist that was just offensive… **

**ANYWAYS, harry new-year! Get what I did there? Don't worry, I'm not that lame, just mocking Ebooby as always. :D**


	37. Chapter 37

AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION **A PERMENANT vacation? *evil grin* Just kidding** ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK **PLEASE?**OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX.**-_- Don't you dare…**fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11**It's never going to happen… ever… **raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL**…Like Donnie Darko? WHERE'S THE GIANT EVIL BUNNY?**

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.**Kinky…**"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot.**Like… on fire? Or… O.o**"Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1" **You two are a perfect match**

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata," **Titty tatta** said Vampire. "Why would u need it?"

"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby. **Yeah… because forced love is always hilarious…**

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly. **Donnie, kill her!**

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep **RAWR**

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow. **Fuk-ahs!**

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."

**My friend broke his phone today… It was sad…**

Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's room. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. Instead Tom Rid was

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez**. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING, MAN? **

I took out da cloves from da bag. **Oh… CLOTHES** It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt **Work it** that said ▒666' **Make it** on da bak, **Do it**black stilton bootz, **Makes us**blood red fishnetz and a blak corset

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. **So… with no emotion and minimal physical movement or what?** Itook da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall. **I hope it's not black… **

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. **She's not even had sex with him yet and she's already screaming his name** On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now **You can get locked up for that?... EBOOBY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST!**. Classes shal be taught by Dubledorkv **Dork **who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge**. Rumbleroar and Umbridge had a love child? WHAT O.O**

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11" **They were sick of all you rotten kids**

Suddenly Dumblydore came.

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily.**Dumbledore is in the house!** Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine! **WYHOO! **111I jumped seductively **I do that all the time. Seductive jumping is my profession… **in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire SudenlyI wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was...Profesor Slutborn's **Born a slut** efface! I sneaked around.

Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz...Profesor Slutgorn!11 **LE GASP!**

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY. **Caps lock BROKEN**

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket. **Since when has this changed the point of view, mother fucker?**

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn. **Pussy**

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes.

Silas,** Harder** Samaro **Better** and **Faster** Snapwere there **STRONGER** practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.** Harder, better, faster, stronger. I like this song… though there's a strong possibility it's about sex… ~.-**

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?" **In your moms… Kidding. My friend does those jokes ALL the time… It's kind of frightening…**

"Oh he's cumming."said Serious. **Gross…** "BTW u can kall me Hades now."Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson\ blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan. **SATAN, Donnie Darko, Evil Bunny, and Hades… KILL HER NOW!**

**Hi peeps. So… I was busy doing the school musical, which is why I haven't updated any of my stories in FOREVER. I'm really super duper sorry about that, and I would promise you tons of chapters to make up for it… but I can't guarantee it because I'm auditioning for the next play as well… I'm a drama geek, what can I say?**

**So anyways… During the summer I should be writing A LOT and I'm just going to say I'm taking a break until then. So expect new stories, updated stories, and more from me in 3 months! (I know… LONG ASS TIME!) xD **

**Love you guys, I hope you're all still around by then!**


	38. Chapter 38

***Poofs in* Hello! I am back for another exciting installment of My Immortal after 3 long months! I very much considered not continuing this story… but then I remembered I promised I would finish the entire thing… so here I go!**

**Next chapter is the hacker chapter! Hang in there guys!**

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory **DO IT. DO IT. DO IT…** and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? **NOOOO** oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik **Should've known she'd make a quiz…** or not!1111111 **I'll go with not!(aka.111)**

Satan and I walked 2 his car It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. **That's not right…** I went in it seduktivly** You can't handle all this seductiveness** Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan, kuttting, musik and being goffik. **He was named after all those things? Funny, only one actually fits his name.**

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemortagreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy) **And smoking weed = sensitive guy?... Seems legit.**

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." **Lol** I said in a flirty voice. "...Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?" **I like to change topics randomly. It must be the Gemini in m- SQUIRREL! **

"Well..." he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod." **Blod… Is that anything like blood?**

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. **Burning more calories by the day** In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. **Lol people being murdered in front of our very eyes** Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists. **Even sadists may be ashamed of you.**

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily **Wiggle wiggle wiggle YEAH!** from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in itI put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere. **I thought that'd be normal in your world**

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. **OMUGH!** I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?"__

I new that the amnesia had worked. **AMNESIA. DEMENTIA. You two are PERFECT for each other! :D Commentator is now a matchmaker! *****opens business*******

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." Hesaid. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u." "Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly.** Cool. You wanna make me lose my memory? No big deal, sounds fun.**

And den... he tok of my cloves **Why can't she just burst into spontaneous flames already?** sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. **Take that shit!**He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11We frenched.

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. **WHOO PREPS! KICK 'EM TO THE CURB!**

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly... I attaked her suking all her blood. **Lovely.**

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. **I've never heard of such an event. I've neer heard of someone crapping because they're so overwhelmed by cuteness**Satan and I started to walk outside.

"Zomg how did u do that?" **Zomg… what the hell does that stand for?** Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car. ***YOU DON'T SAY FACE***

"Siriusly?" he gasped.

**Ebooby: No I'm kidding. Fuck you idiot, yes I'm serious! *slaps in the back of the head***

"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. **Beer and blood. The perfect mix** Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. **Against with the scents of emotions…**

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"** Because you had to go all crazy bitch on everyone and kill them… That's the part he didn't say outloud.**

"Yah." I said as we kised passively_**. **_Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol. **Lol every- lol- thing is just –lol- amusing to –lol- us.**

"Anti-ppl **Anti people? As opposed… to pro people?** now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" **That's actually a stage play you know… My mom made me watch it once -_-** screamed Marlinon da stage. **MERLIN LIVES ON** We did the devil fingers. **…Is that a… dance… or something?**I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 **SHMEXAY** He looked at me all emo **I'M LOOKING AT YOU ALL EMO**** *STARES THROUGH COMPUTER*** with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 **ORGAISM! **Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant...XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were thereThey started 2 play their instilments. **Instilments… gotta get me one of those** I got onstag. **I thought you JUST ran onstage. WHY MUST YOU DO IT AGAIN O.O**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) **Again… YOU DON'T SAY?** My voice sounded lik a pentagram **WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN!** betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation **AN ERUCTATION! :O **"I'M NUT OKAY!1"I sang finaly. **No my friend you are not** Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak. **Everything in your life is a mistake…**

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?" **Woah there buddy, don't go all PMS on us now.**

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily. **Chill pill dude, chill pill**

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro. **Another PMSer!**

"U guys stop!11" I shotoedangrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife. **Don't bring a knife to a gun fight**

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm. **Totally fucking called it**

And den...I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 **Wiggle wiggle wiggle YEAH!**

"No!111" yielded everyone it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak. **HALT! **

**I hope you guys continue to awesomely comment like you did before! Like always, it's good to know that doing this isn't just for my own lame enjoyment!**


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